246 | Why Finding Your Mom Tribe Matters and How to Actually Do It

Motherhood can be shockingly lonely. You're constantly surrounded, yet somehow still feel unseen, unheard… disconnected. And let’s be real- making friends as an adult? That’s a whole thing.

In this episode, we're talking about why friendship and connection are essential for your mental and emotional well-being and how to build real, soul-nourishing relationships without cringing through forced conversations at playdates.

Whether you’re craving community or just tired of surface-level chats, this episode will remind you that you’re not alone and you don’t have to stay stuck in disconnection.

👉 Your gentle challenge this week: Take one small, brave step toward connection.

✨ BONUS: Want to be featured on a future episode? Record your answer to this fun prompt: What would you do with two hours of uninterrupted alone time each week? Head to www.themwcpodcast.com to share!

Transcript

Mom Tribe
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[00:00:00] No one talks about how lonely motherhood can be. You're surrounded by little people all day, yet you feel completely unseen and the worst part, you're not even sure how to fix it, because making friends as an adult. Especially as a mom is awkward, exhausting, and sometimes feels downright impossible. But what if it didn't have to be?

Hey there and welcome to the Moms Without Capes podcast, where we ditch the Supermom cape and the expectations, and we reclaim our sense of self beyond motherhood. I'm Onnie your host, licensed therapist, mom of six, and fellow work in progress. I'm so glad that you're here. Today we're talking about something that I know many of us struggle with.

Friendship, community, finding your people, especially after becoming a mom. Let's be honest. Making friends as an adult is pretty weird. It's awkward. It feels like dating, but without the apps or the wine, . and when you're [00:01:00] also a mom, it's even harder because when do we have the time and where do we even start?

But the truth is, is we need people. We are social beings and not just the people that you wave at in the school pickup line. Not just your partner or your kids, but real, honest soul nourishing friendships. So in this episode, we're digging into why finding your people matter so much, especially. As moms,

and how to connect with others without relying on forced small talkie play dates that make you wanna crawl out of your skin. Let's get into it.

So here's what I've seen over and over again in my therapy practice and in the moms of that capes community. When moms feel isolated, they start to believe that they are the only ones who are struggling. That guilt that you feel for yelling at your kids or that resentment that builds in your marriage, that nagging feeling like you've lost yourself.

You're not the only one. Sometimes we can feel like we are the only one [00:02:00] that this is happening to, but if you get anything out of this episode, I want you to feel less isolated. I want you to feel less alone and more validated for feeling how you feel you're not the only one. But without connection, it's so easy to spiral into shame and comparison.

Friendship reminds us that we're not broken. We're human. Your people help normalize the hard stuff. remind you that you're not alone and that it's okay to not love every moment that you're allowed to dream, vent, rest, and be more than just mom. And the kicker is, is it's not selfish to want this.

It's actually healthy. When I first became a mom, I was 23 years old and none of my friends were even married, much less have had kids, and it was a very lonely place. I was going through things. I was in a whole different season than them, and I didn't have anyone to turn to. I had great friends, but they were [00:03:00] just in a different season and they couldn't relate.

They still wanted to go out, and I was exhausted from caring for a newborn. What made it worse was my husband was in the service and we were stationed in Georgia. was deployed to Bosnia. For seven months, and we were in Georgia without any of our family. So we packed up all my stuff, put it in a storage down there, and I moved up to being closer to my parents in Pennsylvania for those seven months. So not only was I removed from the friends that I had down in Georgia, I was coming back and having to.

Reintegrate into my relationships up in Pennsylvania, but again, none of them were in the same season. So what I did was I joined a mom's club. Now this was an international capital MOMS. It was mom's offering moms support. It was an acronym, and I basically paid a monthly membership to have friends. There are [00:04:00] still women from that group that I continue to have a relationship with.

Now, of course, I'm not in Pennsylvania anymore, I'm in Montana, so I'm a long way from there. But being part of a tribe of moms created something that nothing else could do. It allowed me to feel like I wasn't alone. Now, the way MOMS Club worked,

I know that there's still chapters and there may be one in your town, but the way it worked was we signed up To host the play date, and it was basically like you're bringing your kids to a certain park. You'll know that at least one other mom will be there.

I belonged to that mom's club for years I met some amazing women there. They also featured a monthly Mom's Night Out, which was with no kids we just did some fun things, you know, go bowling or I remember one Christmas we gathered and we did a cookie exchange. It offered those opportunities to get to know other moms, [00:05:00] some who were in the same season, others who maybe had some older kids.

But it was a great group to allow me to feel like I wasn't the only one going through the struggles of motherhood. Because motherhood is hard, as I'm sure you are well aware of.

So now what gets in the way and what makes it harder than it needs to be to make mom friends. The first is time and energy. You're tired. You have a to-do list, a mile long, and let's be real.

Hanging out with new people takes effort. Friendships take bandwidth, and you might be feeling like you don't have that bandwidth right now. It takes time and energy to invest in relationships. You may be feeling tapped out, which is one of the reasons why it's so important to be engaging in restorative activities such as self-care, to be able to increase that bandwidth.

Another reason is fear of rejection. Making the first move feels vulnerable. What if she doesn't like you back? What if it's awkward? Right? [00:06:00] All of those thoughts that might be circulating in your mind that stop you from making the first move. You may see these perfectly curated social media friendships and think, I don't have that.

Something must be wrong with me. 

So in our last town that we lived in, we had an awesome group of friends. It was a small town and we had a lot of couple friends and our kids all were the same age And they were friends. Of course, there were disagreements and everything, but I was friends with all the wives.

My husband was friends with all the husbands. We went a lot of like camping and barbecues and all of these things all together

Now that we moved to our new town, it's a larger town and we don't have those friendships. We moved away from that town, and so we kind of disengaged from those groups.

And so for me, I'm not necessarily comparing to what I'm seeing on social media and the groups of girlfriends and all of that. Yeah, I do wish I had that. I compare a lot to how my friendships were. And [00:07:00] so that can be dangerous as well, rather than looking forward and seeing like, what can I cultivate right here in this town and what are the friendships that I can grow?

And the fourth thing that might get in your way is you're just out of practice. Making friends in school was built in. When you're in an institution, or even if you're working, there may be some coworkers that maybe meet up for drinks, but now that you're not in school, you're not, you know, placed in situations that are with other people, it can get hard, but it's not impossible.

Even though it can feel clunky and it can even feel cringey. It's important to fight past that. So if you've been beating yourself up for not having your people, I just wanna say this, it's not your fault, but you do have the power to change it. You can push past all of these excuses or all of these things that are standing in your way.

All right. Now here's where it gets fun. Let's talk about some real ways [00:08:00] to build meaningful friendships without getting stuck in surface level small talk. The first one is to lead with realness instead of asking, so how's your week going? Try? What's something that's been unexpectedly hard for you this week?

What's one thing that's keeping you sane right now? The thing is, vulnerability invites connection. No, you don't have to trauma dump, but you can be real. You can show up as your authentic self, which can be tricky if you have been wearing the mask and.

have lost touch with who you are beyond being a mom. But being real is going to allow you to make those authentic friendships that you are craving. The second thing is to find shared values, not just shared schedules. It's easy to look for mom friends whose kids are the same age or who go to the same school, but the better question is, is do we care about similar things?

Do our conversations feel energizing or draining? Join some groups or [00:09:00] community based on things that you love, whether that's a book club, a bible study, a business group, or even a workout class.

Many of my clients have joined some book clubs here in our town, and it has allowed them the opportunity to meet friends. brings me so much happiness when clients come to a session and say that they've. Met up for coffee with a friend that they had met in book club, or that they come back and say that they were in a Bible study and they decided to have lunch with one of the other members. When you can join something, the interest brings you together.

With other people who share those same values and same interests and same loves as you, but then you can extend it and, take it out of that place to get to know that person even better. The third thing is to use what you already have. The mom you always chat with at school pickup. Ask her if she'd like to go have coffee.

I've never had as much coffee as I have [00:10:00] these past five years. As I meet new people in this town, it seems to be the thing to do. Half the time I have tea, sometimes I've even had water. But it is a way to meet up somewhere that is, you know, kind of low key casual and just chat.

. It's non-committal. It'll allow you you get to know one another, and if you hit it off, wonderful.

If you don't, that's okay.

It might just feel awkward. To ask woman that you see every day, you know, at school pickup. But what if she's craving connection to you? Never know unless you ask.

So the final thing is to start small and just keep showing up. Friendships don't magically form after just one chat. They're built up over time through little moments of showing up. So keep showing up. That's how relationships grow. Roots.

So this week's challenge is gonna be to take one small step towards connection, send the text, join the group, start the conversation. Just be little [00:11:00] braver than feels comfortable because remember, nothing grows in a comfort zone, you can feel scared. But I encourage you to do it anyway because you were never meant to do life or motherhood alone and finding your people, it doesn't just make life lighter.

It helps you reconnect with you. So thanks so much for hanging out with me today. If this episode spoke to you, I'd love it if you would take a second to share it with a friend or leave a quick review. It helps more moms find the show and reminds me that we're in this together. Until next time, keep taking those small steps to reclaim yourself.

One moment at a time. You've got this.