233 | The Art of the Juggling Act: Balancing Work, Family, and Self with Sarah Armstrong

Explore the delicate balance of juggling work, family, and self in this episode of Moms Without Capes, where we’re joined by Sarah Armstrong, author of The Art of the Juggling Act. Sarah shares her wisdom on managing life’s many demands, drawing from her experience as a working mom who has navigated the highs and lows of career and parenting. 

Tune in as we dive deep into Sarah’s insights on redefining what it means to “have it all,” finding grace when things don’t go as planned, and creating routines and traditions that make life meaningful. Whether you’re feeling overwhelmed by the pressures of modern motherhood or simply looking for ways to reconnect with your own sense of purpose, this episode offers actionable tips to help you find balance without guilt.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

• The powerful metaphor of juggling rubber and glass balls and how it applies to balancing work, family, and personal well-being.
• Practical strategies from Sarah’s book for navigating the stress of juggling multiple roles as a mom and working parent.
• How to redefine “having it all” on your own terms, with an emphasis on self-compassion and realistic expectations.
• Tips on maintaining your identity while meeting the demands of motherhood.
• Sarah’s advice for handling setbacks with resilience, allowing you to forgive yourself when life’s “glass balls” get nicked.

To learn more about Sarah Armstrong, visit https://thejugglingact.com or follow her on social:

LinkedIn: https://www/linkedin.com/in/sarah-madden-armstrong

To schedule a 15 minute consultation to see if therapy could help with your journey, go to www.momswithoutcapes.com/start (This is for moms who live in Montana ONLY)

Transcript

Sarah Armstrong
===

[00:00:00] Ever feel like you're juggling more than you can handle with the stakes too high to drop a single thing. As moms we're often holding our family work health. Friendships. And all of the other things all at once, like precious glass balls that can't afford even the slightest slip. The pressure to keep everything in the air can be overwhelming. 

And sometimes despite our best efforts, Something inevitably falls.

Today, we're going to talk about the art of the juggling act. Welcome to moms without capes. The podcast where you'll get practical strategies for reclaiming your sense of identity beyond motherhood. I'm Onnie and my goal is to help you. 

Prioritize your needs and carve out space for yourself. So that you can discover who you are beyond your role as a mom. For years, I was buried under piles of dishes and endless loads of laundry, constantly putting my family's [00:01:00] needs. Above my own. I thought overwhelmed, exhausted. And completely invisible. It seemed impossible to carve out time for anything that didn't revolve around my family. But everything changed when I finally decided to move myself up on my own to-do list. I started prioritizing things that brought me joy and fulfillment. Allowing me to reclaim my sense of worth and take ownership of my life. Instead of feeling like I was constantly just managing things for everyone else. As a mom of six, I know firsthand. The struggle to juggle it all. But through years of learning, growing, and shedding, the supermom identity, I've discovered how to live in alignment with my needs without guilt. And now I'm here to help you do the same. You don't have to lose yourself in motherhood together. 

We can hang up the supermom Cape and embrace a more balanced, joyful life. [00:02:00] This is mom's without capes. Today, we're joined by Sarah Armstrong. Author of the art of the juggling act. She has transformed the chaos of balancing career and motherhood. Into a masterclass of practical wisdom. Sarah's insights on holding onto what truly matters and letting go of what doesn't. Are here to remind us that we can define our own version of having it all without compromising ourselves.

Join us as we dive into her tips for navigating the inevitable challenges. Maintaining your identity and finally making space for your own dreams amidst the demands of motherhood. And at the end of today's episodes, I'll share how you can get even more value from the moms with that capes podcast. So that you're armed with the mindset and action steps to make the journey back to yourself. Even easier. But without further ado, let's dive into [00:03:00] today's episode. 

Your book opens with the powerful quote by James Patterson of juggling glass and rubber balls. I had never read that quote, so it was super interesting. And I was like, yes, this is the thing, for moms who feel overwhelmed and have perhaps dropped a few of the glass balls.

What would you say to them about finding their way back to balance without guilt or regret

It's interesting. Guilt is one of the biggest feelings that I think we have as moms. And then I add in the working mom component because it's a huge focus for, the messages I'm trying to get out. And I think we have to always tell ourselves that we're doing the best we can.

We always say to our children, just do your best. You do the best you can. That's all we can ask of you. And I think we have to turn that reflection onto ourselves Because a lot of times I think we don't take her on advice.

we give so much to everyone else and want everyone to be the best they can, [00:04:00] but we don't allow ourselves the space to allow that for ourselves. And I think that's one of the most important things we can tell her is just that little conversation you have with yourself on a day to day basis, add that mantra and say, I'm doing the best I can.

if something drops at home, at work or wherever acknowledge what happened. I always said to my daughter, Grace's . mom's doing the best they can, peanut.

Yes.

it was something that I said out loud and I also said to myself.

I tell my kids all the time I don't know what I'm doing. I am learning this, just like you're learning about life.

That's the fascinating thing for me. I've reflected on this over the years, we go to school and learn about so many different topics, to prepare for life, but we actually don't go to school to learn about parenting.

we also don't go to school to learn how to manage our career if we go that route. And we definitely don't go to school to manage both aspects they're the two most important things you're going to do in life, raise your children and have a career if you choose that path.

And how do we help everyone think about how to be healthy and happy while doing both? my goal is to [00:05:00] really figure out how to, Pay that forward and help other moms and working parents out there because I feel like so many parents are just surviving these days,

Yes.

Surviving the day to day and we want them to thrive.

life is short. how do you enjoy each day in this? the book I've written, is called the art of the juggling act. how do we manage the juggling act and how do we enjoy the juggling act 

Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Last night I was at a, we were a group of parents and we were talking about, just going to professionals for seeking out professional help for different matters. And 1 of the women there made the statement and I was there with my husband. And afterwards, we talked about this because 1 of the women talked about, how she felt lost 

Went to a professional and the professional kind of reflected it back onto her. And she was like, I am a mom. I am not a trained professional in so many different things. And it's hard enough just being a mom and knowing what I need to know for the everyday that it's these other things that I'm like, we need to seek out professional help [00:06:00] or help from our support system even because there is just so much in just being the mom.

That we need to know, that we don't know.

And that's one of the hardest things. We're all works in progress, As humans, as individuals, and as parents. recognizing that, raising children is an ongoing learning process. you're not going to have all the answers.

there are people that have done it before you, and there's a lot of, Learning you can have from, the generation before you, talking to my parents about how they raised us, but now how we're needing to raise their children. It is very different.

The world is so different. a lot of the things that parents these days are trying to figure out how to manage are so different than what we had experienced in our generation of being raised by our parents. there's things we can, focus on and learn from. How we were parented.

And there's other things that are just so new that it's a whole new world.

Even parenting, we have six kids. 

our older child to our younger child, we parent completely different. Much to the dismay of my older daughter. She's [00:07:00] you would never let us do that. And I was like, I am a different person. And I've learned a lot of lessons.

Absolutely.

I've learned that I shouldn't be doing it the way I did with you.

You said to her, you were part of the experiment, 

At a different place. So you encourage readers to define what having it all means for them. what was your personal journey like in defining this and how has the definition evolved over the years?

Yeah, that's a great question. some people say you can't have it all and I use have it all in air quotes. each person has to find what having it all means to them because it can be very different. 

how do you want to approach your life? Holistically, having it all may not be all at once, life has many phases. sometimes think we have to do it all at the same time and, maybe that's not the case.

And so My whole kind of reflection of life is, I definitely knew I wanted to be a working mom. That was something I knew from a very young age that I wanted to try to have a family and have a career. So that was in view. But then over [00:08:00] the course of time, as I had Grace, there were different aspects of my life that I either had to focus on more in a given moment versus last.

And I use the example of giving back because I love to give back. To my community, I did a lot of giving back before I had grace and then for the early stages of her life. I actually didn't do as much because I needed to figure out that juggling act of working and raising her. But at the stage when she could go and volunteer with me around age seven.

I reengaged in that aspect pretty significantly with her and we did a lot of different things together. And so that's an example of, giving back for her school and in the community, It's one of those reflections. And now, I'm an empty nester, so I can say, my books and really, this is my giving back because I do still work full time, but helping parents and moms out in the world think about different topics, is part of that as well.

I think part of it is the ebb and flow of your life. There's times when having it all, can look a little different based on what you're trying to juggle.[00:09:00] 

So we need to continually redefine what all means in different seasons of our lives.

Because it's going to change based on, if you have children, and when you have children, and then how old your children are, and what they need from you. And then what's going on with your career. There were stages in my life where I passed up promotions in my career because I was going through a divorce.

I needed to focus on becoming a single working mom. And raising grace. I thought, that's not the focus right now. I can't take on something new here. I need to, stabilize life. having it all shifts as you go through these different life changes.

Sure. Yeah, I've noticed that in my own life. I was a stay at home mom for 14 years, and I was homeschooling my kids. 

In it.

in 2017, I decided to go back and get my license and jump back into my career. now it's a conversation my husband and I have all the time about retirement.

I'm just getting started. I feel like I have like years now, like that I can be all in it all those years that my children had, I was giving it all to [00:10:00] them. Whereas now I can pivot and focus on something else.

Yeah. And in different stages of life, that's why the having it all, I think it's through the course of your life, versus in one period, do you feel like you have to check all those boxes? if you can look at the course of your life, the bigger picture, do you feel like you've lived the life that you were meant to live in the various aspects of your life?

could you be there for the moments with your family and with your children that really mattered and are, fundamental to feeling good about that aspect of your life. And then could you do what you want to do outside of the family structure to either give back to the community or have a career, and can you do those things as well?

So many listeners of the moms of that capes podcast feel like they've lost their sense of self within motherhood. How have you maintained your identity while juggling work and parenting? And what advice do you have for moms who are trying to rediscover themselves?

That's a great question. I think one of the most important things for us to all to remember is. [00:11:00] That our children are going to be healthy and happy if they know that their mom is healthy and happy. you need to figure out what that looks like for you. if it's being social and, going out with some girlfriends for a girls night, or if it's traveling without your children, which I strongly advocate for.

travel is the best gift you can give yourself. It's the best gift you can give your children. you can do wonderful family trips that create special family memories. And then you can go and recharge on a weekend with some friends by yourself or with your spouse or partner.

But I think the combination of thinking about in your day to day what you do to fuel yourself and do the self care you need and give yourself the Opportunity to not feel guilty about when you're actually doing something for yourself, which I think, again, is one of the things we as moms do is we think we have to do everything else before we go and, get that massage, 

Yeah, we have to earn our time. And I really think, if we can flip that and say, you know what, I'm going to [00:12:00] be a better mom if I invest in that time for myself, because if you don't, I really feel like there's resentment that comes into your life. You resent. The life that you're living versus enjoying the life that you're living.

I think it's one of those things, we have to allow ourselves to take that time, recognize that when you do get that time, it's very special, and to enjoy it, really, enjoy it, and not worry, through the course of my life, I've seen different moms handle things differently, and sometimes when they go away for those weekends, They're so worried about what's happening at home, they're tied to that versus saying, the kids are fine, they're where they need to be with their dad a family member or a nanny allow yourself to be in the moment where you are 

sometimes we feel like we have to stay connected Sometimes it's good just to disconnect,

Yeah. To let go of that

let go. 

if you're not completely in the moment and you're worried about everything else, you're not going to fully enjoy it and get all of the benefits from having taken the trip

it's like a partial break. It's not the full break that you might need. but that's also a muscle that [00:13:00] women need to build and understand. Also exposing your children at a young age that you're going to do that. Because the younger your children are, when you start building that into your day to day, the more it doesn't become this big deal that mom went away for a weekend or the big deal that, on Saturdays mom goes for an hour and goes for a massage or goes and, does her workout class or, whatever it is, we're on a Thursday night.

Mom's not there at dinner because. Dad's got it covered or, the nanny's covering it because mom went out with her friends and she's being social. the younger you do that, when your kids are young, it really builds in where then it's normal.

this big thing.

And I absolutely agree with you and know from experience that not doing it, built up a lot of resentment. I felt that my husband, I would always feel, why are you able to leave and come? And nobody even blinks an eye. But the minute I put on my shoes, The whole house goes into like panic that I'm leaving [00:14:00] and I, I had to get over that and make it more of a practice that they learned that, yes, I will go, but I will come back and it's okay.

it was something the whole house had to learn that I was able to leave a little bit and come back.

Yeah. And I started it in fairness because of my career. I was traveling internationally right out of the gate. Grace is 12 weeks old when I went back to work. And within those first couple of months, I was on international trips for a week at a time.

at a young age, she knew that went away and came back. I didn't make a big deal about it. I'm like, I'm, going to hug and kiss and then off I went so she learned that was part of our life and I can tell you not once did she cry or be upset, but she was like, okay, it's okay mommy that's what you do.

And so I do think they adjust if you do it early,

I can still picture my 18 year old. I can picture her as a little two year old wearing her cheetah jacket, standing at the front door, bawling whenever I would leave. it's a family joke now that Milana, her tears, mommy, go mommy. I'm like, Oh my [00:15:00] gosh.

it wasn't until, I already had older kids. that I started. giving myself permission to leave the house and start conditioning my family that it's going to be okay.

It's going to be okay. 

in your book, the art of juggling, you cover 140 practical topics 

If you could pick just one or two strategies that you think would be most effective for reducing stress in day to day life, what would they be?

Great question. in the art of the juggling act, one of the topics that I talk a lot about is setting boundaries. this can go whether you're a stay at home mom or a working mom it's about what are the boundaries that you need in your life to, live the fullest life possible where you're doing what you need for your family, doing what you need for yourself, and if you have a career, doing what you need for your career.

the thing I talk about in terms of setting boundaries is, You have to first think about what you want those boundaries to be, they're generally rooted in your own philosophy of how you want to, live your life and what [00:16:00] values you're trying to, live to.

But then, whatever those boundaries are, you need to communicate them to others. Because if you only keep them to yourself, then no one around you can help you in protecting those boundaries. And people will walk all over your boundaries if they don't know they exist. whether it's at home and you're saying to your kids, your spouse, on Saturday mornings, I'm going to go work out for eight to nine or nine to 10 and I have to do that.

Please know that I'm putting that up as something at work. If you say, when I go home at night, I'm not going to be responsive to emails or pings, during the dinner hour and bath hour when I'm with my kids.

So happy to talk to you at 9 p. m. Or, after carpool tomorrow morning, but those hours not to be touched. you have to tell people that because otherwise you will get the pings or the email with someone expecting to respond, or you're going to have someone say, can't you drive so and so to, soccer practice at nine, whatever it is.

And it's no, I've actually said, how do you set those boundaries that can be, Part of the fabric of your life because [00:17:00] once you set them and stick to them others see that you're really serious about those being in place

when you don't communicate them effectively, you end up feeling very frustrated and unappreciated unheard. because you haven't spoken them, you haven't put them out into the universe and told those ones who it's going to involve

this is part of the boundary, it even starts at a young age with your kids if you want to Them to, on a Saturday morning what does Saturday mornings look like for you when they get out of bed? Do they come in and wake you up at five or 6:00 AM when they're old enough to know that they don't need to?

And it's no, we don't make mom up at six, let her sleep till seven 30, whatever hour that is. But as kids grow up, you can also figure out what are those boundaries that you want to have so that would be, I think that's one of the biggest ones that I think is important. The other thing I talk about is building a compartmentalization muscle. 

have, but women

yes

struggle with

we struggle with that. it links to the boundary discussion, a compartmentalization muscle is something we all need in life it is a muscle and you [00:18:00] have to practice it, if you practice it, it can help manage different aspects of your life so you're not feeling guilt and pull from one aspect to another, when we're talking about travel, if you have that compartmentalization muscle, you can say, I'm going to enjoy this moment.

I'm not going to feel like I'm being pulled into what's happening at home and who can't find their, goggles before swim practice. That's someone in the home front can handle that. I don't need to be the one weighing in on that. So I think that it's a muscle and it is something that we all have to learn how to build and then allow it to help us as we're going through our day to day.

If you're a working parent, it can be the muscle that when you go to work, you stay on that work. You need to focus. And when you're at home, you say, you know what, this is not where I meant to be focused in work. I'm supposed to be present with my children and in the moment here. And so I'm not going to let work come into, this space.

And so it works both ways. 

Yeah. Instead of letting one thing seep into the other and then feeling like you can't really be back or like what we were talking about being in the moment with your [00:19:00] kids when you feel like you should be answering emails 

You don't feel like you're doing either. 

And that's the thing that goes back to that guilt. You feel like you're subpar on both. Versus saying, let me be where I need to be and feel really good about this time.

And then I'll go and do what I'm supposed to do in whichever world I'm supposed to do it in. But I do think that's an important piece of it.

So you describe yourself as a relaxed type a person. Can you talk more about what that means in practice and how it has helped you balance parenting and career without feeling the need to micromanage?

So I use the term relax type. I think the people that know me would laugh and say, Oh, interesting. Yeah, I can see that. But, I also call myself a recovering perfectionist. I definitely strive, for, excellence in everything I do.

I have a high bar for, how I approach all aspects of my life. But I think I've learned over the course of time is first of all, we do have to give ourselves, that space and allow ourselves to say I'm doing the best I can. And whatever that is, that is going to [00:20:00] be an acceptable, thing.

I think, if you look at the course of life the career side of things getting stressed out on a day to day basis impacts your health and, how you interact with people in your life, whether it's your children, spouse, colleagues, and co workers.

I think that's one of the things that, if you have everything where you think it has to be a certain way, you're putting that stress on everyone else around you as well.

Right.

And I think it's how do you really take, and that's why I say a relaxed type, I keep that high bar,

relax?

I think you keep that high bar, but you really take a step back say, you know what, I'm going to take it one step at a time, do the best I can and be okay with what that outcome is.

I think it's a trained mindset, And we as women, quite honestly, do hold, a high bar for. All aspects of life, we want to be doing everything perfect and that strive for perfectionism can really, wear us down.

Right.

I think that's where we have to, give ourselves a little bit of space and grace to say, doing the best I can. this is going to be, [00:21:00] fine for today for this moment. everything's going to be okay and not let it get you stressed out. Because I think the stress is not good for us.

Yeah. Stress has been, we all know that stress isn't good for us.

It's proven to not be good for us.

Yeah, being able to relax a bit rather than always feel like, yes, you have these high standards, but you can remind yourself that it's okay. It's going to be okay. 

Absolutely.

As a working mom, what advice do you have for other mothers on letting go of societal definitions of success and creating their own definitions that prioritize their well being?

Think there is so much that goes into how society perceives the And then specifically working women of how we're supposed to show up in both arenas. we have to recognize it's your life. I like to say to working parents overall and working moms specifically, so how do you want to live your life? What does that look like? set aside the judgment of what other people think your life is meant to look like and live the [00:22:00] life you think you're meant to live with your family, with your partner or spouse, if someone's in the picture in that way.

And if you're a single working parent, then that's also, you're going to define how your life looks. I've lived all aspects of that. I do think it's about allowing yourself to define what you want your life to look like. having gone through divorce and fairness.

I had to reflect on what life would look like as a single working mom, which was not something I had planned. there a lot of societal expectations of what it meant to be divorced. I have tried to, change that perception, and those that I interact with actually wrote a book called The Mom's Guide to a Good Divorce, because I think if you're going to get divorced, there's a way to do it where your children are not collateral damage during the process.

So I do think there's something about you stepping back and thinking how you want to live your life the way that you've defined it and then live it. enjoy it, and look to do what makes you happy, your children happy, and your career, the part of the career that is really important is figuring out what you enjoy, [00:23:00] and being clear on what you want to talk about every day, and then building that into your life as well, because then the juggling of family and career feels worth it.

That's something my therapist had me define success and I have to admit it was really hard. I am very outcome driven, I set goals and meet them for me, that was success, right? Because I am that way, my target was always moving.

I would set a goal, accomplish it, but then set another one. I was never reaching my target. I had to do some work to come up with my definition of success. One that I can achieve, it's not just making goals and achieving them,

Yes.

It wasn't working.

You feel like you're

I never made it. I never would attain success and I always felt like the opposite of failure because of that. So having to rework my definition has been really helpful.

It's a great question to ask yourself. And also I think taking the time and creating the space for you to have that [00:24:00] conversation with yourself. . A lot of us, I think, go through life and to your point, check the box of the next thing. What do we think we're meant to accomplish in life?

And we don't take the time to really reflect on what we want our life to look like, because we get on the societal expectation of the next thing we think we're supposed to do. First I love to travel. So I'm happiest when I'm on a plane going somewhere.

you been to like some 50 countries or something?

Yeah. I've been to 55 countries, and the crazy part, there's 209 countries in the world, so I have more to go, And then I've seen 46 of the 50 states or 47.

I just checked off my list, so I have 47 of the 50 states, 

Montana?

Montana is one of my three left.

That's wrong.

Okay. Montana, Idaho, and Alaska are my last three. I'm gonna get there. All three fabulous places to go.

I think you feed your soul grow as a person every time you travel, whether it's in our amazing country or around the world or it's to a city you've been to five, 10 times, there's still more to explore. So I'm a big believer in travel and it's [00:25:00] something that I've done a lot with grace over the years as well.

it's, probably one of my favorite things to do. I love to walk, and so I will walk for hours, in whatever city I am, wherever I am. I like to be out in nature walking, whether it's by water, in mountains, on a beach. So I, for me just, that's where I process, a lot of what's going on in life, and I also spend a lot of that time talking to friends around the country and around the world.

So it's my catch up time, with everyone. I think, my books have become part of what I do for fun. having a conversation with you about this is my giving back it's very fulfilling for me to think that I'm helping other moms, parents, through, these times in life they're trying to figure out.

that goes in my fun category as well. I love to golf and I do Pilates. I have lots of different interests, 

do you have a book that you would recommend?

I have two books. The Art of a Juggling Act, I did just release out to the world this year and I'm really excited about it.

As you mentioned, it's 140 topics that are bite sized pieces, a paragraph or a [00:26:00] page. I know how hard it is to read an actual book as a working parent. It's very difficult. So it's meant to be where you can pick it up. The table contents has all of the topics literally lined, by topic.

So you can look at what topic might be. it's meant to just be a guide along the way, very practical. And then my second book is called The Mom's Guide to a Good Divorce, as I mentioned earlier, and that's really meant to help moms who are going through the process with their children and making sure that our children can really come out of it the other end and they aren't collateral damage, and I do think that's possible if you approach in a certain way.

The other two books that I would recommend is one is called Essentialism, and it's an interesting book because I read it, as I was going through a transition point in life a number of years ago, and it really talked about what's essential in life, and I think it's one that I just really continue to go back to, 

I'm gonna have,

first name though, but quick is his last name,

Yeah, I will look it up so that we can share it with [00:27:00] your listeners. , it is definitely a book that I strongly, 

Greg.

Greg McEwen. Yeah. And it's really, it's the discipline. It's called essentialism, the discipline pursuit of less,

Okay. I've actually read it

have you.

the cover, 

Yes, the white cover. With the red. Exactly. So that's one that I just have found. I've gone back to. the other book that I read, long ago, and it's a fictional book, but it's called, I don't know how she does it the thing that struck me about this book as a working mom is at the end of each chapter, it had the list of things running through her head as she went to bed at night.

Yeah.

As you put your head down on the pillow and I thought that's all of us, as moms, we lay down and we don't go right to sleep. We're like, oh, this and that. The treats for the school tomorrow and the, permission slip signed and all those things.

I joke that was like a fictional therapy book I read back when I was a working mom. I think it was an interesting one that stuck with me. so two of my own and two out in the world of other authors.

And then Sarah, where can listeners find you?

the best way to [00:28:00] reach me is at thejugglingact.

com, which is my website. It has all my contact information. I'm also on LinkedIn, but if you want to get in contact with me directly, it's all there. Thejugglingact. com.

All right. And all of Sarah's information will be found in the show notes of today's episode. Sarah, thanks so much for coming on the show today.

Thank you for having me. Great to be with you.

If you're enjoying this conversation with Sarah, we'd love to have you to leave. 

If you're enjoying this conversation with Sarah. I'd love for you to leave a review for the moms without caves podcast. Your positive feedback helps us bring on more inspiring guests. And deliver valuable insights to support you on your journey to reclaiming your identity beyond motherhood. Just head on over to apple or Spotify. Tap the stars. 

Scroll down to the reviews and share your thoughts. And if you haven't already be sure to follow moms Without Capes. [00:29:00] So you never miss an episode.

Thank you for listening to this episode of moms without capes. As you learn from tuning in. 

You can redefine and pursue balance in a way that honors both your personal goals and the demands of motherhood. Allowing you to hold onto what truly matters without sacrificing your sense of self. Remember, you're 100% responsible for your own life and for creating the joy that you want to feel. Stop living on autopilot. Slow down. Check in with yourself. And please above all. Take care of yourself. Because you, my friend are worth it.