228 | Motherhood and Loneliness: Why Moms Feel Isolated and How to Overcome It

Let’s address a struggle that many moms experience but rarely talk about: loneliness. Have you ever felt isolated, even while surrounded by your family? You’re not alone. Society often tells us that motherhood alone should be enough to make us feel whole—but what if it’s not? In today’s episode of Moms Without Capes, we’re diving deep into the epidemic of loneliness that affects so many moms, exploring how losing touch with who we are beyond motherhood can intensify that feeling of isolation.

Join me as I share practical steps to reconnect with your sense of self, rediscover personal passions, set healthy boundaries, and build a community that understands your journey. You’ll learn why taking time for yourself isn’t selfish; it’s essential for well-being and helps you become a more fulfilled, joyful version of yourself. Tune in, and let’s start the journey toward reclaiming your identity and embracing a life where you feel truly connected and seen.

Key Topics:

• Understanding Loneliness in Motherhood
• Losing a Sense of Self
• Recognizing the Signs of Loneliness
• Practical Steps to Combat Loneliness
• Reclaiming Your Identity Beyond Motherhood

Montana Therapy for Moms
Montana moms: Feeling overwhelmed? Schedule a free 15-min consult to see if counseling can help.

Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.

Transcript

228 | Motherhood and Loneliness
===

[00:00:00] Do you ever feel lonely even when you're surrounded by your family? As moms we're often told that caring for our families should be enough to fill us up. But what if it's not, what if somewhere along the way, we've lost touch with who we are beyond motherhood. And that's where this deep sense of loneliness is coming from. Today, we're diving deep into the epidemic of loneliness that so many moms face. And we're going to explore real steps to reconnect with ourselves. Because loneliness, isn't a failure. It's a call to rediscover the person you've always been. 

Welcome to moms without capes. The podcast where you'll get practical strategies for reclaiming your sense of identity beyond motherhood. I'm Onnie and my goal is to help you prioritize your needs. And carve out space for yourself. So that you can discover who you are. Beyond your role as a mom. For years, I was [00:01:00] buried under piles of dishes. And endless loads of laundry. Constantly putting my family's needs above my own. I was overwhelmed. Exhausted. And felt completely invisible. It seemed impossible to carve out time for anything. That didn't revolve around my family. But everything changed when I finally decided to move myself up on my own to-do list. I started prioritizing things that brought me joy and fulfillment, allowing me to reclaim my sense of worth. And take full ownership. 

My life. Instead of feeling like I was constantly managing things for everyone else. 

As a mom of six, I know firsthand the struggle to juggle it all. But through years of learning, growing, and shedding, the supermom identity. I've discovered how to live in alignment with my needs without guilt. And now I'm here to help you do the same. You don't have to lose yourself in motherhood. [00:02:00] Together, we can hang up the supermom Cape and embrace a more balanced, joyful life. This is Moms without Capes.

Today, we're going to talk about loneliness and how it intersects with our journeys as mothers. This isn't just about feeling disconnected from others, but also from ourselves. Today, we're exploring why this sense of isolation happens. Why it's okay to acknowledge it. And most importantly, how to start finding your way back to a place of connection, fulfillment and community. Whether you're struggling with loneliness yourself. Or just want to understand why it's such a big issue today. I invite you to listen in, as we uncover what this all means. I'll be sharing insights and as always some practical tools. To help you start reconnecting with both your inner self. And the people around you. 

So, whether you're feeling drained, lost, or just ready to [00:03:00] make a change. This episode is for you. Let's take this journey together and start rediscovering the incredible woman. Behind the title of mom. And towards the end of the episode, I'll share with you how you can get your hands on a resource. That's going to help you reclaim your sense of self beyond motherhood by lightening the mental and physical loads that you're carrying. So don't go anywhere. 

Now let's dive in. All right. So now my friends, I know what you might be thinking. We're surrounded by people every day. Our kids, maybe a partner, maybe even friends on an offline. How can we feel lonely? but the reality is many of us do. 

Maybe you're surrounded by others. But still feel an ache. That's hard to meet. Maybe you find yourself craving connection. But you just can't seem to make the time. Or maybe you've lost touch with who [00:04:00] you are outside of all the roles you play. If any of that resonates. that you're not alone. Today, we're diving into loneliness. Not just as a fleeting feeling. But as a real and growing epidemic. Studies have shown that more and more people. Are experiencing chronic loneliness. And moms especially are feeling the weight of it. Our society puts enormous pressure on mothers to handle everything on their own. To be completely fulfilled by caregiving alone. 

And to sacrifice every last bit of themselves in the process. And for many, this leads to a feeling of isolation. That's incredibly hard to shake. 

All right. So let's unpack what loneliness really is. Because it's more than just being alone. In fact, many people feel lonely, even when they're completely surrounded by others. Loneliness is more [00:05:00] about feeling disconnected. Unappreciated or even invisible. It's that sense that no one really sees or understands what we're going through. As moms we're especially vulnerable to this kind of loneliness. Society expects us to be all things at once. The nurturer, the caregiver, the organizer. The one who keeps everything running smoothly. It's a role that doesn't leave much space for us to be anything else. Or even to acknowledge that we have our own needs. And what happens. Over time. We lose touch with parts of ourselves. Our personal time and space. Start to disappear. Hobbies passions and even friendships fall to the wayside. As we focus on caring for others. The ironic part. Is that we can be surrounded by family all day long. And still feel completely isolated. [00:06:00] In our experience. 

And this isn't just a small issue either. It's become a widespread phenomenon. Studies have shown that loneliness has been on the rise across all age groups. But especially for mothers. The pandemic only intensified this with many of us cut off from social support. And struggling to adapt to new work routines. Often without any help. Or breaks. According to recent research. Nearly 60% of adults in the Report feeling chronically lonely. And that number is even higher for stay at home moms. Parents and caregivers. 

That's more than half of us. Which means you're far from alone in feeling this way. 

But here's the thing about loneliness. It doesn't have to be a permanent state. When we start to understand it as a lack of meaningful connection, both with others and with [00:07:00] ourselves. We can begin to see pathways out. And that's what we're here to talk about today. So if you've been feeling this sense of isolation, that it's okay to feel it. It's a sign that something needs attention and care. And we're going to explore ways to bring that connection back. 

Let's talk about how loneliness and losing a sense of self. connected, especially for moms. When you become a mom, it's natural to focus so much on your family and kids that your own needs. Start to take a back seat. But over time constantly putting others first. can leave you feeling more and more disconnected from the person you used to be. It's a slow process. Almost like a gradual fading. You stopped doing things that you used to love. Because there just didn't seem to be the time. Maybe you were an artist or writer, someone who loved to run, or maybe you simply enjoyed spending time with friends. But [00:08:00] as the days turned into years, Those hobbies, passions and friendships. Can start to feel like distant memories. And without even realizing it. You've lost a big part of what once brought you joy and fulfillment outside of motherhood. 

This self neglect. No longer pursuing the things that make you feel alive. Is one of the biggest contributors to loneliness. When we're only fulfilling the needs of others without also nurturing our. kind of emptiness begins to set in. We might start feeling like we don't even know ourselves anymore. And that's where the disconnection begins to creep in. Not just from others, but from within our own cells. And what does this lead to loneliness? Because we're missing a relationship with the person who matters most. Ourselves. Now there's an added layer to this when you're a mom. [00:09:00] Motherhood can feel incredibly isolating and there are some unique challenges here. For one, there's often a deep sense of misunderstanding. You might feel like others don't fully grasp what you're going through. Even if they're close to you. And then there's the guilt, which is a huge factor. 

Moms are frequently made to feel guilty for needing time to themselves. Society tells us that if we love our children, we should be fulfilled by parenting There's this unwritten rule that a good mom. Doesn't need time for herself. But that's simply not true. the reality is. Everyone needs time to recharge. To pursue what makes them feel whole. But because of these messages, so many moms end up feeling trapped. They push their needs down. 

Even further feeling as if wanting personal time somehow makes them less loving or committed. And that guilt, that constant pressure to be [00:10:00] all in all the time. Only deepens the loneliness. Think about it this way. If you're constantly pouring yourself into others. Without ever taking a moment to fill up your own cup. Eventually there's nothing left to give. And it's in those empty moments that loneliness can start. To really take hold. So the truth is. We need to break free from this idea. That self sacrifice is the only path to being a good mom. Reclaiming a sense of self isn't selfish. 

It's essential. When you take the time to reconnect with who you are to remember what makes you happy? You're actually building a stronger foundation. Not just for yourself, but for everyone around you. So if you've been feeling this. The disconnect. The sense of loneliness? No, that it's okay. It's actually a signal that your inner self is asking for [00:11:00] attention. And there are ways to respond to that call. Ways to rediscover who you are. And bring that spark. Back into your life. 

How do we recognize when loneliness is starting to affect us on a deeper level? Because sometimes it doesn't show up in obvious ways. Loneliness can feel very different from person to person. But there are certain signs that many of us experience when disconnection starts to creep in. One of the biggest indicators of loneliness. Is feeling constantly drained. It's that sense of exhaustion that just doesn't seem to go away no matter how much rest you get. It's more than just physical tiredness. 

It's emotional too. You might feel unmotivated. Like there's this lack of energy for even the simplest things. And it can Feel like life is just something you're getting through. And then there's this feeling of [00:12:00] resettlement that might bubble up to. Maybe you find yourself irritated more easily. Or feeling frustrated others. Because when you're giving so much of yourself, Without ever filling up your own cup. 

It's natural to feel this way. But loneliness can also show up in some more subtle ways. For instance, you might notice that things that once brought you joy. No longer hold the same appeal. Maybe you loved reading, painting, cooking, or even taking a walk by yourself. But now those things feel like chores or worse. 

They don't even cross your mind anymore. You might feel like you're on autopilot, just going through the motions of every day. Without really engaging with it. That's a sign that disconnection is starting to affect your sense of self. And here's the thing when you're feeling this way. It's easy to brush it off, to tell yourself that it's just part of being busy. part of motherhood. But [00:13:00] the reality is these feelings of disengagement and exhaustion are signals from within. They're your inner way of saying, Hey, I need a little attention here. Noticing the signs is so important because it's the first step towards positive change. Once you can recognize that these feelings are more than just tiredness or routine. You can start exploring ways to reconnect and find joy again. 

So, if any of this resonates with you. I want to gently remind you that these signs are not something to ignore. There are simply signals opportunities to check in with yourself and consider what you might need to feel whole again. And remember I acknowledge in these signs. Doesn't mean that anything is wrong with you. It just means that it's time to care for yourself. With the same compassion that you give to everyone else. 

So now that we've explored loneliness and how it shows up and [00:14:00] how it's tied to losing a sense of self. Let's talk about some practical steps that we can take to start reconnecting with our sense of self. And with our community. These are simple, intentional actions. That can help rebuild that interconnection. And we'll lift some of that isolation. 

The first step. Is self-reflection. I know as bombs. Finding time can feel nearly impossible. But even a few minutes a day can make all the difference. Take a moment. Maybe early in the morning or just before bed. To just sit with yourself. Ask yourself, what do I need right now? Or what am I feeling? Sometimes just allowing yourself a few moments to tune in can help you feel grounded. Reconnecting with your feelings and desires even briefly. Remind you that you are [00:15:00] more than the roles that you play. You have thoughts? Dreams and emotions. That deserve attention. 

Next comes reengaging with passions. Think about something that used to light you up. Maybe it was painting, dancing, baking, or even just reading a good book. Start by incorporating a small piece of that back into your routine. If you loved painting. Try doodling for a few minutes. If reading was your escape, start with just a few pages a day. It doesn't have to be this big grand effort. Little steps towards things you love can help you feel like you again. 

Then there's the importance of building community. Loneliness thrives in isolation. So finding others who understand what you're going through can be incredibly healing. It might feel intimidating. But reaching out to other moms, joining a [00:16:00] local or online group. Or even just inviting a friend for coffee. Can help bridge that gap. There's so much strength in knowing that we're not alone. And sharing your experiences with those who understand is one of the best ways to feel connected. 

Another important step is setting boundaries. I know that this can be challenging, especially when so much of our time is dedicated to our families. But carving out small guilt-free Pockets of space for yourself. Is essential. Boundaries. Aren't about excluding people. They're about including yourself in your own life. Set a time in the week. Where you do something just for you. Whether it's a walk alone. Reading or even sitting quietly with a cup of coffee. The key is to create this space. Without guilt because honoring your needs, isn't selfish. It's [00:17:00] absolutely necessary for your wellbeing. And finally seeking support. If the feelings of loneliness and disconnection feel overwhelming. It's okay to reach out. Therapy can be a wonderful tool for gaining perspective, working through emotions and developing strategies to reconnect with yourself. In fact, if you are in Montana, I can help you. 

If therapy is something you are considering. As a licensed counselor. I specialize in helping mothers improve their mental health. And reclaim their sense of self within motherhood. I would welcome the opportunity to check in with you and see if working together makes sense for you and your needs. I invite you to schedule a complimentary consultation. By going to mom's without capes.com backslash start. Or. Just clicking the link in today's show notes. Or [00:18:00] perhaps you might consider joining a supportive group. 

Many moms find that sharing their journey with others in a safe and understanding space. Can be incredibly freeing. There's no shame in asking for help. In fact, it's one of the most empowering things that you can do. So, whether it's self-reflection reconnecting with passions. Building community setting boundaries or seeking support. Remember that these small steps add up. Each step you take towards reconnecting with yourself. a step away from loneliness. It's about nurturing the relationship you have with yourself, because ultimately that's the foundation that allows you to show up fully, not just as a mom, but as a whole vibrant person that you are. As we wrap up today's episode, I want to remind you of something important. Feeling lonely doesn't mean that you failed in any way. Loneliness is a natural [00:19:00] response, especially when we're constantly giving so much of ourselves to others. The good news is with small, intentional steps. It's something we can manage and begin to alleviate. You're not alone in feeling this way and you absolutely deserve to feel connected and fulfilled. Remember reconnecting with your sense of self isn't selfish. 

It's essential. When you take time to care for yourself to explore what makes you feel whole. You're building a foundation for showing up as the very best version of yourself. It's not just about being a mom. It's about nurturing who you are as a person too. And by doing that, you're actually modeling a powerful lesson for your children. Then self-care and self-respect. Our vital parts of a balanced life. So here's my challenge for you this week. Take just one small step towards combating loneliness. Maybe that's joining a community [00:20:00] event, even if it's virtual. Maybe it's writing down your thoughts and feelings in a journal. Or maybe it's revisiting a favorite hobby that you've put on the back burner. Whatever it is commit to just one thing that brings you back closer to yourself. And if you try it. Let me know how it. goes. I love hearing from each of you. And knowing how these conversations are making a difference in your life. In the meantime, I have an awesome resource for you. Something that will help you. on your way to reclaiming your sense of self beyond motherhood. Making space for self care, hobbies and fun is impossible. When you are carrying the full load of domestic labor. Having a, to do list that runs a mile long. And doing it all yourself can lead straight to burnout. And can be devastating to your health and your relationships. I created a guide that will walk you through how to share the load. It includes conversation starters. Tips for managing [00:21:00] expectations. And practical strategies for redistributing household and child care tasks. Grab your guide today by visiting Monteith capes.com. Backslash share the load. Or click the link in the show notes of today's episode. I hope today's conversation on loneliness and reconnecting with yourself. Has given you a fresh perspective. And maybe a bit of encouragement to prioritize yourself even in small ways. Remember, it's not about making huge changes overnight. It's those small, intentional steps that lead to the greatest shifts. If today's episode resonated with you. Please consider sharing it with another mom. Who might need to hear this message? You never know who might be struggling with these same feelings of loneliness. And just knowing that they're not alone. Can be a powerful gift. Also, if you have any questions or topics you'd love for me to cover in future episodes. [00:22:00] Don't hesitate to reach out. You can drop me the message on social media or better yet. 

Come find me inside the moms with that keeps Facebook community. I'd love to hear from you. Thanks for listening to this episode, moms without capes. As you learn from listening, loneliness doesn't mean failure or weakness. It's a signal that you need to reconnect with yourself. Beyond your role as a mom. By taking small, intentional steps, like rediscovering personal passions, setting boundaries, and building a supportive community. You can combat loneliness. And reclaim a fulfilling sense of identity. Remember you are 100% responsible for your own life. And for creating the joy that you want to feel. Stop living on autopilot slowdown. 

Check in with yourself and please above all. Take care of yourself. Because you, my friend are worth it.